Onward. Upward. Eastward.
After almost nine years, I’ve returned to the motherland after wandering the Midwestern plains. Emerging from the empty wastes of I-70, I’ve moved from Kansas City back to Philadelphia and man it’s been a long time.
As many of you know who follow this ““blog”“, I have been a resident of the epic state of Kansas since mid-2003. Prior, I lurked in Pennsylvania for a few years; before that, I raised hell across the verdant cow-tipping pastures of central New Jersey. Next week, the snake eats its tail. I will be back on the Best Coast living just North of the great Philadelphia, the city everyone loves to hate.
So here we went:
The typical reaction from Midwesterners when I tell them I’m moving to Philly is “jesus, why would you do that?” The typical reaction from those on the east coast is “jesus, what took you so long?” It’s not complicated:
- East coast has all da family. No joke, that’s important.
- East coast has ocean. I love the ocean. I love it like you love church or your dog or your secretly stashed pint of Cherry Garcia.
- East coast is more crowded, yes, but far less force-baked into grids of strip malls and neighborhood sprawl. It is hard to beat the authenticity of buildings that predate the Revolutionary War, or bakeries that use the same techniques from when they started in 1938.
- East coast has fewer toothless, Bible-humping, rifle-fondling, giant-fake-rubber-ballsack-hanging-from-the-hitch-of-the-Ford-350, white-trash ass pickles. You know, the guys who still rally for Palin and who take nine minutes to drawl out the sentence “I’m going hunting after the ball game.”
- East coast lacks the looming, boiling green clouds spitting nickel-size hail as tornado sirens fire from all around. There’s nothing quite like imminent death by F5 to ruin that lemon gelato you just bought.
Not that Kansas was all bad. I built a family, graduated my oldest, and went steady with my employer the whole time.
I’ll miss the office and my co-workers a lot. They really are genuinely nice people. Probably because they’re not from the east coast. I’ll also miss, um, other Kansas stuff like the glorification of red meat and the shitty sports teams and diluted jazz culture and you know great cultural awesomeness like that.
Graphicpush, this ““blog”“, was concepted a few months before my move to the Midwest, but wasn’t born until the week I moved to Kansas, which in hindsight was actually fairly sub-optimal logistics planning. The very first posts were published in the very first week of living here. (Which means this website is almost a decade old. Holy hand grenades.) It will be quite weird to write for this in a different timezone.
My new gig is a work-from-home thing, which I might detail later in a post as it’s marginally interesting only because it is only partially related to web development, and god knows my posts on web development aren’t worth shit anymore. The waters of the web dev industry continue to swirl, but my ship is oriented toward a different horizon.
Kansas, you’ve been nice. But now I can say, quite happily, that I won’t die there.