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As most of you know, working in an office can be an excruciating exercise in human comedy. People say some dumb stuff—and some really funny stuff—when they’re knee-deep in work and the most nonsensical statements make complete sense at the time. These are just a few I’ve heard over the past month or so …

“You know, after riding this Segway, walking feels so pedestrian.”

“We just signed our first mental health hospital customer. Isn’t that crazy?”

“We should hire people based on how well they play Bejeweled. In fact, we should start a fantasy Bejeweled league.”

“You know what word should exist? ‘Brawesome.’ Its like brilliant and awesome at the same time. Like the fact that I just made up that word is totally brawesome.”

“I’d rather shit vomit.”

“So what’s the opposite of brawesome?”
“Blawful. Bloody awful.”

”’Maximum ROI’ is a funny term. It should be the name of a sandwich. It could be a power bagel with peanut butter and Jolly Ranchers.”

“Why don’t we hire that freelancer? He’s really good.”
“If we hired him he wouldn’t do any work anymore.”